Why do get disappointed with people? What is expectation and
how does it control and manipulate our lives? What is this shield that the ego
uses so skillfully and from what imagined fear is it giving us the illusion of
being our protector? Running from one situation to another, from one relationship
to another, from one place to another, never stopping long enough to really
look at our lives to see what the universe is telling us and how to take
advantage of what the universe is offering us. We live in a society that
teaches us that sitting still is a waste of time…so we move, we dismantle, we
‘start all over’, we run run run.
All of our lives we beg of God or the Universe to ‘show us
the way’ to ‘shed some light ‘ on our dark paths and then when It does come to
the rescue, when It does show us the way, we are never satisfied because it’s
not the ‘way’ that we wanted it. It’s not the ‘easy’ way. So we question it, we
contest it; our fears are so great that the ego-mind pops up like a comic book
hero and then the mind masturbation begins. It tells us that it is not our
fault; we did everything we could and what the universe is proposing is impossible.
It is not the right way so we must fight it. The pain and fear inside of us is
so great that the ego-mind quite easily ‘helps’ up redirect the energy to the
outside and the first person we see is the one closest to us. He or she is to
blame, of course. It is not our fault that we were not able to make ourselves
happy, it is not our fault that we were incapable of using the tools the universe
had so gladly given us to create our own beautiful existence. We point the
finger. They did or didn’t do something and that is why we are miserable. He or
she didn’t live up to our impossible expectations. That is how the mind-ego
keeps us far off-track. I ask you, how can anyone live up to an expectation
that we have created in our own minds to protect our deepest fears when we
ourselves cannot do it? That expectation will never be met because the very
same expectation is an illusion created by the mind-ego. The mind-ego surfaces in
function to our fears. So if we don’t want the mind-ego to mess with us, then
we and only we must look deeply at the fear. When the fear is removed, the mind-ego
has no reason to point the finger because we cease to expect anything from
anybody and then, and only then, do we begin to see the beauty in everything and
everyone that the universe has brought into our lives through love. We will
begin to realize that the situations that we are faced with are stepping stones
to help us cross the River of Life that will eventually lead us back to the
Ocean. But it is our and only our responsibility to make our lives meaningful
and beautiful. Nothing and no one is on this earth to do that for us. In this, it must be accepted that we are alone. And
there is great beauty and strength in knowing this. We are born alone and we
die alone. In the middle, the universe gives us all the tools necessary to
survive and to evolve. I think if one studies Nature, which is an earthly,
in-our-face manifestation of the Universe in action, one will see that Nature
is never wrong. It is following a higher Law, a logical and creative Law that
makes sense. It is perfect. Once this is accepted as true than one must apply
it to ones own life. The universe is not playing some game on us. We are human beings;
we are on a higher level than that of the plants and animals because we have
the possibility to evolve. So once that is accepted, one can accept that
anything the universe puts in our path is to help us grow. The Universe, same
as Nature, is never wrong. We interpret and misuse what is given to us. We get
it wrong. So if the Universe gives us gifts in the form of people, places, or
situations, it depends on us to take advantage of these in order to transform
our minds and expand our heart. We cannot depend on another person to do that
for us. It is this dependence that transforms love into hate, kind words into
angry words in relationships, Why does this happen? We feel betrayed,
disappointed, that person did not show us the ‘way to happiness’ as he or she
had promised. That person did not do what was expected. But how can another
person who is lost, show you the way? It is the blind leading the blind. So, what happens next? When the passionate
love has diminished, the same old fears, the same old dissatisfaction emerges
and one feels imprisoned. Because at that point, the inner self has made its
way to the forefront of the mind, and like a drowning man who reaches the
surface of the water, it gulps for air and then screams. ‘Help, save me I am
drowning!’ Then again, instead of looking at the inner self and saying ‘here we
are again in the same place as before, what am I doing wrong?’ One looks for
the person nearest and if that person on which one has projected all of the responsibility
of ones own happiness does not respond to the distress call – because, of
course he or she is also trying to stay afloat – then the blame game initiates.
One thinks ‘where is that person?’ He or
she is supposed to be here for me. And only for me. And then the inner self,
recedes back down deep into its caves and the warrior mind-ego surfaces and makes
you believe that it has ‘come to the rescue’. One points the finger, ‘I did everything I could to make you happy yet look what you did to me, you let me down,
you let me drown. How dare you do that to me when I am so special? I loved you
so much…..etc etc etc.
And then the anger surfaces because deep down, one realizes
that he or she alone has allowed himself or herself to be imprisoned by another
person. One has put the responsibility of one’s own happiness in the hands of
another person and instead of realizing how wrong that it, how cowardly that
is, one blames the other, one fights to be free, like Don Chixote fighting the
windmills. And then one convinces oneself that as soon as I am ‘free’ of this
person, of this situation, I will be okay. I will be ‘myself’ again. So one
goes to another place where there is someone else who offers the temporary
illusion that all is well. But that other person or persons, whether they be
friends, family or another relationship, are also trying to keep their heads
above water. They too are floating, drifting, struggling. They too have their own lives to deal with.
And then of course, the inevitable happens, those other people will one day
move on and you are left in a new place, with the same old problems. Except
that more years have gone by, you have become tired, life has become heavier
and heavier and since you haven’t been listening to what your inner self and
the Universe been saying, you have been so obsessed with what other people are
doing or not doing, you have lost the connection to the universe. Or whatever connection
has still remained, you have lost faith; you are tired; you no longer trust the
inner voice. That is the good part about being young, one has no real concept
of death so the strongest fear is not yet there, death is not yet real, so one
just dives in the deep end, especially when love comes ones way. But as one ages and the more he or she has had
the illusion of having been disappointed by others, one no longer trusts, one
thinks a million times before taking the plunge, before diving in the deep end
and one becomes lazy, complacent, stagnant. At that point, having no one else to blame,
one blames the universe for the betrayal or one blames God. Anything seems
easier than looking at oneself.
When you love and you meet someone that has transformed you,
then you should follow your heart, that is the most important lesson to learn in
life. If you can go beyond the fear of love, it is a move in the right
direction to getting beyond the fear of death because in love, a part of us
dies. No transformation can take place unless there is a meeting, a connection
of two souls. But then one must also have the clarity of mind to realize and
accept that the other person is the universe’s way of helping you reach the
final goal of transformation so while the love light is shining and you feel
the strength that it gives, it is up to you to make the most of it to create
your own life, separate from that person
even while being joined. We are separate beings. As long as we live as
individuals, then we are totally separate. When the full connection is made,
when we are able to connect totally through love with the entire universe, then
will the abyss vanishes. Until then, it is a learning process, a work in
progress, and every relationship that we are lucky to have come our way is a
gift, a tool, and a lesson to be learned. When you are in a new relationship,
full of love and power, look at it wholly, see why the universe has brought you
to a certain place, to a new environment, surrounded by new people, thrown into
new experience and then, do whatever you can to make them your own. Do whatever you can to integrate, to grow, to
expand, regardless of the person you are with. The love is there, it will take
care of itself, it will last as long as it wants to. The differences between a healthy and loving
relationship is how healthy and loving you are to yourself in that moment. Can
you use the love the universe has given to you to create a new existence for
yourself? Are you able to make a life for yourself, using the tools the universe
has placed at your disposal? An existence that is totally separate from the one
with your present partner? That is the beginning of growth, that is the way to
live love with joy and in the present moment so that when the love story transforms
into something else - as they all do because love is alive - you will be able
to move on feeling fulfilled and replenished. You will look at that other
person with love and thank him or her for coming into your life and for being
part of the bridge that has brought you closer to the other side of the river. Regardless
of what that person did or did not do, it is all about how you lived the
experience, how you used the tools, how you accepted the Universe’s gifts. At
that point, you become aware that that other person’s physical manifestation
was not even important because that, too, was an illusion.
If one leaves a once loving relationship full of anger and
frustration or if one leaves a place slamming the door and running for refuge
in another place, then it is inner self that is frustrated because the blind
anger of the mind-ego once again has won the battle.
