Disappointment and crossing the bridge.

Why do get disappointed with people? What is expectation and how does it control and manipulate our lives? What is this shield that the ego uses so skillfully and from what imagined fear is it giving us the illusion of being our protector? Running from one situation to another, from one relationship to another, from one place to another, never stopping long enough to really look at our lives to see what the universe is telling us and how to take advantage of what the universe is offering us. We live in a society that teaches us that sitting still is a waste of time…so we move, we dismantle, we ‘start all over’, we run run run.

All of our lives we beg of God or the Universe to ‘show us the way’ to ‘shed some light ‘ on our dark paths and then when It does come to the rescue, when It does show us the way, we are never satisfied because it’s not the ‘way’ that we wanted it. It’s not the ‘easy’ way. So we question it, we contest it; our fears are so great that the ego-mind pops up like a comic book hero and then the mind masturbation begins. It tells us that it is not our fault; we did everything we could and what the universe is proposing is impossible. It is not the right way so we must fight it. The pain and fear inside of us is so great that the ego-mind quite easily ‘helps’ up redirect the energy to the outside and the first person we see is the one closest to us. He or she is to blame, of course. It is not our fault that we were not able to make ourselves happy, it is not our fault that we were incapable of using the tools the universe had so gladly given us to create our own beautiful existence. We point the finger. They did or didn’t do something and that is why we are miserable. He or she didn’t live up to our impossible expectations. That is how the mind-ego keeps us far off-track. I ask you, how can anyone live up to an expectation that we have created in our own minds to protect our deepest fears when we ourselves cannot do it? That expectation will never be met because the very same expectation is an illusion created by the mind-ego. The mind-ego surfaces in function to our fears. So if we don’t want the mind-ego to mess with us, then we and only we must look deeply at the fear. When the fear is removed, the mind-ego has no reason to point the finger because we cease to expect anything from anybody and then, and only then, do we begin to see the beauty in everything and everyone that the universe has brought into our lives through love. We will begin to realize that the situations that we are faced with are stepping stones to help us cross the River of Life that will eventually lead us back to the Ocean. But it is our and only our responsibility to make our lives meaningful and beautiful. Nothing and no one is on this earth to do that for us. In this, it must be accepted that we are alone. And there is great beauty and strength in knowing this. We are born alone and we die alone. In the middle, the universe gives us all the tools necessary to survive and to evolve. I think if one studies Nature, which is an earthly, in-our-face manifestation of the Universe in action, one will see that Nature is never wrong. It is following a higher Law, a logical and creative Law that makes sense. It is perfect. Once this is accepted as true than one must apply it to ones own life. The universe is not playing some game on us. We are human beings; we are on a higher level than that of the plants and animals because we have the possibility to evolve. So once that is accepted, one can accept that anything the universe puts in our path is to help us grow. The Universe, same as Nature, is never wrong. We interpret and misuse what is given to us. We get it wrong. So if the Universe gives us gifts in the form of people, places, or situations, it depends on us to take advantage of these in order to transform our minds and expand our heart. We cannot depend on another person to do that for us. It is this dependence that transforms love into hate, kind words into angry words in relationships, Why does this happen? We feel betrayed, disappointed, that person did not show us the ‘way to happiness’ as he or she had promised. That person did not do what was expected. But how can another person who is lost, show you the way? It is the blind leading the blind.  So, what happens next? When the passionate love has diminished, the same old fears, the same old dissatisfaction emerges and one feels imprisoned. Because at that point, the inner self has made its way to the forefront of the mind, and like a drowning man who reaches the surface of the water, it gulps for air and then screams. ‘Help, save me I am drowning!’ Then again, instead of looking at the inner self and saying ‘here we are again in the same place as before, what am I doing wrong?’ One looks for the person nearest and if that person on which one has projected all of the responsibility of ones own happiness does not respond to the distress call – because, of course he or she is also trying to stay afloat – then the blame game initiates. One thinks ‘where is that person?’  He or she is supposed to be here for me. And only for me. And then the inner self, recedes back down deep into its caves and the warrior mind-ego surfaces and makes you believe that it has ‘come to the rescue’. One points the finger,  ‘I did everything I could to make you happy yet look what you did to me, you let me down, you let me drown. How dare you do that to me when I am so special? I loved you so much…..etc etc etc.

And then the anger surfaces because deep down, one realizes that he or she alone has allowed himself or herself to be imprisoned by another person. One has put the responsibility of one’s own happiness in the hands of another person and instead of realizing how wrong that it, how cowardly that is, one blames the other, one fights to be free, like Don Chixote fighting the windmills. And then one convinces oneself that as soon as I am ‘free’ of this person, of this situation, I will be okay. I will be ‘myself’ again. So one goes to another place where there is someone else who offers the temporary illusion that all is well. But that other person or persons, whether they be friends, family or another relationship, are also trying to keep their heads above water. They too are floating, drifting, struggling.  They too have their own lives to deal with. And then of course, the inevitable happens, those other people will one day move on and you are left in a new place, with the same old problems. Except that more years have gone by, you have become tired, life has become heavier and heavier and since you haven’t been listening to what your inner self and the Universe been saying, you have been so obsessed with what other people are doing or not doing, you have lost the connection to the universe. Or whatever connection has still remained, you have lost faith; you are tired; you no longer trust the inner voice. That is the good part about being young, one has no real concept of death so the strongest fear is not yet there, death is not yet real, so one just dives in the deep end, especially when love comes ones way.  But as one ages and the more he or she has had the illusion of having been disappointed by others, one no longer trusts, one thinks a million times before taking the plunge, before diving in the deep end and one becomes lazy, complacent, stagnant.  At that point, having no one else to blame, one blames the universe for the betrayal or one blames God. Anything seems easier than looking at oneself.

When you love and you meet someone that has transformed you, then you should follow your heart, that is the most important lesson to learn in life. If you can go beyond the fear of love, it is a move in the right direction to getting beyond the fear of death because in love, a part of us dies. No transformation can take place unless there is a meeting, a connection of two souls. But then one must also have the clarity of mind to realize and accept that the other person is the universe’s way of helping you reach the final goal of transformation so while the love light is shining and you feel the strength that it gives, it is up to you to make the most of it to create your own life, separate from that person even while being joined. We are separate beings. As long as we live as individuals, then we are totally separate. When the full connection is made, when we are able to connect totally through love with the entire universe, then will the abyss vanishes. Until then, it is a learning process, a work in progress, and every relationship that we are lucky to have come our way is a gift, a tool, and a lesson to be learned. When you are in a new relationship, full of love and power, look at it wholly, see why the universe has brought you to a certain place, to a new environment, surrounded by new people, thrown into new experience and then, do whatever you can to make them your own. Do whatever you can to integrate, to grow, to expand, regardless of the person you are with. The love is there, it will take care of itself, it will last as long as it wants to.  The differences between a healthy and loving relationship is how healthy and loving you are to yourself in that moment. Can you use the love the universe has given to you to create a new existence for yourself? Are you able to make a life for yourself, using the tools the universe has placed at your disposal? An existence that is totally separate from the one with your present partner? That is the beginning of growth, that is the way to live love with joy and in the present moment so that when the love story transforms into something else - as they all do because love is alive - you will be able to move on feeling fulfilled and replenished. You will look at that other person with love and thank him or her for coming into your life and for being part of the bridge that has brought you closer to the other side of the river. Regardless of what that person did or did not do, it is all about how you lived the experience, how you used the tools, how you accepted the Universe’s gifts. At that point, you become aware that that other person’s physical manifestation was not even important because that, too, was an illusion.

If one leaves a once loving relationship full of anger and frustration or if one leaves a place slamming the door and running for refuge in another place, then it is inner self that is frustrated because the blind anger of the mind-ego once again has won the battle.